When he's saying "too loud", he means the actual noise from the beater hitting the pad, not the triggered sample.
Pintech makes a pad specifically for mesh heads, one for bass (thicker) and one for other pads.
Turning up the sensitivity can make your bass hits louder at lower volumes, remaining consistent volume even as it's played harder. But if your bass drum is just too quiet compared to everything else, try turning up the level of the bass drum sample and/or adding a second voice to Layer B of the instrument. If it's still too quiet, try turning down the levels of everything else.
My sound guy had me tweak my individual sliders consistently the same way each gig, so I eventually adjusted the levels to a point where I could pretty much leave my sliders alone. But that all changes as soon as I change the voice of an instrument, as they each have their own default settings for all of that. So I've just recently gone back to just adjusting my sliders for the sound guy. It's simple enough and I really have it down for what he wants.
So for this method, I begin with Bank A and set all of my sliders (DM10) to half volume. Then I turn up the toms, snare and bass to the levels I normally set those at, which isn't full volume - I always leave some room in case he wants something boosted.
This doesn't automatically change the levels of Bank B, but since the sliders are set, all I need to do is wiggle them a little, one at a time. With the other levels set, I can use those to know where to end with the wiggle. Kinda cool how we can set the volume for the bell of the ride separately from the sound of the cymbal itself!
Anyway, after layering two voices into my bass drum, he doesn't want that as high as it used to be. It thunders.